Well today is the day I find out the results of the Lymphnode Biopsy, so I’m a little anxious. But I did want to let everyone know that I’m grateful for all of the prayers and support going up for us. Monday I did feel better and then started having trouble again Tuesday night. However, since I see the doc today I’ll just hold on till then.
Seems like I should be able to sleep, but I have so much running around in my mind, I can’t seem to quiet my thoughts and rest. I know there are those in the cancer battle who are far worse than I am, so I certainly don’t want to come across as thinking I’m so bad off or pity me! Part of the battle with cancer is your mind and what you allow it to focus on. I don’t know what the future holds for me or for my family. I also don’t know the reason that God has determined this is the path and journey that I will take. I want to always be mindful of God’s perfect plan and will in all of this. At times it is easy to allow my mind to focus on all of the negative aspects of this journey I’m going through. I could focus on the 4 inch scar that I now have on my neck, or I could turn it into an opportunity to share my faith in God, and an opportunity to wear some really cute scarves! I could focus on the fact that I will be sitting in more doctors offices and hospitals than I really ever thought I would, or I could focus on the fact that I’ve already met incredible people and I’ve been given an opportunity to be a light and witness in an atmosphere permeated with darkness, doubt, waning faith, weakness, and lack of trust in God. Sure, I don’t know what the ending of this day may hold whether rejoicing or more shock and additional pain. But whatever this day holds I choose to trust in Jesus. I choose to allow God to do what He deems best for me and my family.
I can trust Jesus. I can trust Jesus, He never once has failed to meet my needs. He is my strong tower, strength in my weakest hour. I can trust Jesus. He takes care of me.
I choose to trust You even in this valley of confusion, fear and doubt. I choose to let You use me in the way that You see fit.