The last few days have been hard for me. I was to have my 6 month check up with my oncologist on Wednesday, but had to put it off another week due to transportation issues and the fact that my doctor is an hour away. It’s these times when I must wait and have time to think about things. If you’ve never been given that diagnosis of Cancer, then you probably won’t understand these feelings, fears, and forebodings that come along with it. Every few months you go to see a doctor and hope and pray that you will get a clean bill of health. It’s certainly something to live under the cloud of that fear.
I know I have so many things for which to be grateful, and I am grateful. I’m grateful that I was able to spend the Holidays with my family, I got to have another Easter picture with my family, I got to see my girls turn 2, I’m getting to see Spring awaken again and I can still feel the sunshine on my skin. There are many who have walked this solemn road before and came through it with joy and lived many, many more years.
I was recently asked if the doctors think that it will come back, and I had to answer honestly “Well, I was told that since I had it, I will likely develop another spot in my lifetime.” So, I guess that’s why I live with this feeling of fear and foreboding. I also know that God is watching over me and knows every twist and turn of this dreaded disease, and he allowed it for a reason. My prayer is that God will help someone else through it and draw them to himself.
This is my family on Easter this year. I loved the way we all ended up coordinating. Hubby bought the girls dresses, his tie and my scarf and we just all fit together. 🙂 I love it.